That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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