forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.