I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.