I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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