While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
