the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
