Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
