that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
is that a dick in a sweater?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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