There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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