The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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