what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
