no, he came in my armpit
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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