fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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