I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
