Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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