Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
