he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
