I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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