I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Green mimosas i think yes
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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