I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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