Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
