My nipple is on Facebook.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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