so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
