The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
