3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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