First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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