My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
