whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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