There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize