So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
