I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
