I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
