using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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