I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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