she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
