You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
