Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize