When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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