just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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