he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
