I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
