I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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