i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
