i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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