I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
