shes about as inviting as chlamydia
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
