im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
