maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
