i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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