She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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