then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just cropdusted the office
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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