I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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