Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
