You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
That's when you crack a 10am beer
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
