nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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