Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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