We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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