Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He passed out mid-signature
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
