if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
