Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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