It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
