pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We just shotgunned beers for America
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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