I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
