I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
