now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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