when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There r osticjed everywhere
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
