atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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