He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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