Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
