Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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