i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
