don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize