My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
