i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
