i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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