Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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