Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my shit smells like andre
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
