kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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