I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
