I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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