He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
