ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
