She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
