My first STD was from a foam party
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
