Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
