so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
