plz talk dirty to me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
